Flashbacks
I was browsing through the blog of another mom who lost a child to cancer just five days after Mike died. One of the things she said was that she keeps going back to the moment he died. It comes at seemingly random moments, when all seems to be going well, and suddenly I’m back at that moment — by far the worst moment of my life.
I knew in my head those last days of his life that there would be no miracle, but when the moment actually came, it brought such overwhelming heartache. It still does, and I guess it always will.
I’m told the moments will become less frequent as time goes on. It’s been likened to walking on a beach and being knocked over by a wave. You get up and start walking again.
Last night I was making a fresh fruit crisp — peaches, blueberries and blackberries. We’ve had a hell of a blueberry crop this year, and Mike loved, loved, loved blueberries. He used to threaten to come at the height of blueberry season and eat all of them right off the bushes. He said he wanted to stand there with a pint of heavy cream and swig it while his mouth was full of blueberries.
I can almost see him out there. He loved instant gratification when he could get it. He never had money, but he always found joy in simple things, even though he claimed to want a big house and a fast sports car. In reality he was happy with a good book, good food, a video game, friends, family and good conversation.
I would have loved to defend my blueberries against his assault. Instead I flash back to the moment he died whenever I look at those branches bent over with the weight of the best blueberry crop I’ve ever had.
I take my bread out of the oven and hear, “The only thing wrong with this bread is that it’s not at my house!”
So many little everyday things remind me of him, and sometimes they make me laugh, but too often they bring me back to the moment he died.
Patient Pals & Family Friends
Life o' Mike has a new peer support program for people newly diagnosed with chronic or serious illness or with a new disability and their caregivers.
Patient Pals are people who have experience with various illnesses and disabilities, who can help someone newly diagnosed or with a new disability work through the fear, frustration, confusion and grief often experienced in the first few months.
Family Friends are there to help caregivers and other family members grow into their new role.
People with new illness or disability fare better when they have a role model -- someone who can help them negotiate their new path in life.
We need volunteers, who are asked to donate a minimum of one hour a week. Training is free and includes information on active listening, ways to help and when to know more help is needed.
And of course, we need funding.
To learn more, call Leslie Boyd at 828-243-6712 or e-mail lifeomike@gmail.com.
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