The natural order of things
My mom died at 11:30 tonight (technically, last night). She was 85 and her husband died three days ago. She is where she wants to be.
She received excellent medical care, beyond what she needed. I had to ask them to stop one treatment tonight because it was bothering her and there was no need for it. They kept coming in to take vital signs and we kept shooing them away.
“She’s dying,” we said. “Please just let her go now.”
One nurse told us to go to the waiting room while she did some work on Mom and we all stood in the hall and refused to leave the unit. Over the last three days, I refused to leave the room several times because she was scared and didn’t want me to.
Overall, the nurses were wonderful once they understood Mom needed at least one of us in the room to feel comfortable. I helped them with her, helped them turn her and calm her. That’s the way it’s supposed to me. A woman’s children should be with her when she’s dying, and a mother should never have to sit by her child as he or she dies.
Tonight was the natural order of things. My mother lived a good life. She was smart, funny and rather impatient. She was so liberal she landed on the left of Ted Kennedy, and I hope she gets to meet him now. She was stubborn, and she fought tirelessly for what she believed was right. She was an environmentalist when they were still called conservationists. She fought corporations — and won. She was one tough woman, and she taught her daughters well.
She left peacefully ready to join her husband, her daughter and her grandson. She told us this afternoon she wouldn’t be with us tomorrow, and she promised to tell Mike I miss him every day.
She is at peace.
Patient Pals & Family Friends
Life o' Mike has a peer support program for people with one or more serious or chronic medical issues or disabilities.
We aim to reduce isolation and fear among people who have conditions, including psychiatric illness, HIV/AIDS, diabetes, mild dementia or other cognitive disorder or disability, thereby reducing depression and complications as people learn to improve self-management of their medical conditions.
Patient Pals help alleviate feelings of isolation and frustration. They can help people develop a list of questions to ask the doctor and then accompany the person to the doctor to make sure all the questions are answered, taking notes to be sure the person understands the doctor’s answers.
Our trained volunteers also accompany their “Pals” to art exhibits, movies and walks outdoors, meet for coffee, call to check in and more.
Our Pals have experienced weight loss, improvement in diabetes, HIV, psoriasis, depression and more, just because they have someone who cares about them. Some relationships develop into longer-term friendships; other Pals move on to more independent lives.
Family Friends are there to help caregivers and other family members grow into their new role.
We need volunteers, who are asked to donate a minimum of one hour a week. Training is free and includes information on active listening, ways to help and when to know more help is needed.
And of course, we need funding.
To learn more, call Leslie Boyd at 828-243-6712 or e-mail lifeomike@gmail.com.
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