For my friend, Phil Alexander
Dear Phil,
Only a parent who has lost a child can know the full depth of your grief right now. It’s overwhelming, and it will be that way for awhile.
Our children are supposed to outlive us, and there is no comfort when they don’t.
I’m fortunate in that I got to say goodbye to my son, but that moment when he died is burned into my heart, just as the moment you got the call about your daughter is burned in yours. You will relive that moment again and again in the coming weeks and months, even years.
At first, it will be constant, but then the pain will ease a little. You will be able to function, but the moment will come back to you like a tsunami, knocking you off your feet emotionally.
Those moments will reduce in frequency, but I don’t know if they ever go away.
It has been four years since my son died. It is one of those defining moments in your life. There’s before and there’s after, and you will never be the same person you were before.
That’s not to say your life won’t be good again. My son’s death led me to become a full-time health care advocate and educator. I love what I do now because I know that Mike’s spirit is with me.
I believe you will find something positive to do in Diamond’s memory because I don’t see you as someone who will allow himself to be immobilized by this forever.
It’s OK to be immobilized by your grief for awhile because something unthinkable has happened to you.
But keep in mind that her spirit lives on in you and in her siblings and her mother.
She was here, she was loved and she loved you. Her life brought joy. These things can never be taken from you.
Let the people who love you be close and offer comfort. It will help you get through these first horrible days and weeks.
And remember, if other people seem to tire of your grief, I am here. I understand. You can call me anytime.
Leslie
Patient Pals & Family Friends
Life o' Mike has a peer support program for people with one or more serious or chronic medical issues or disabilities.
We aim to reduce isolation and fear among people who have conditions, including psychiatric illness, HIV/AIDS, diabetes, mild dementia or other cognitive disorder or disability, thereby reducing depression and complications as people learn to improve self-management of their medical conditions.
Patient Pals help alleviate feelings of isolation and frustration. They can help people develop a list of questions to ask the doctor and then accompany the person to the doctor to make sure all the questions are answered, taking notes to be sure the person understands the doctor’s answers.
Our trained volunteers also accompany their “Pals” to art exhibits, movies and walks outdoors, meet for coffee, call to check in and more.
Our Pals have experienced weight loss, improvement in diabetes, HIV, psoriasis, depression and more, just because they have someone who cares about them. Some relationships develop into longer-term friendships; other Pals move on to more independent lives.
Family Friends are there to help caregivers and other family members grow into their new role.
We need volunteers, who are asked to donate a minimum of one hour a week. Training is free and includes information on active listening, ways to help and when to know more help is needed.
And of course, we need funding.
To learn more, call Leslie Boyd at 828-243-6712 or e-mail lifeomike@gmail.com.
Life o’ Mike honors Joe Eblen
Life o' Mike presented its first Michael T. Danforth Community Service Award to Joe Eblen at a luncheon on June 8, in the Friendship Hall of First Congregational Church, 20 Oak St., Asheville.
Joe, seen here with Leslie Boyd, left, and his wife, Bobbie, has spent his life helping children and families, both as a coach and game official for more than 60 years, and as founder of Eblen Charities.
Start From Seed
Life o' Mike has a new program- Start from Seed (SFS).
SFS is a volunteer doula program aimed at providing non-medical, comprehensive support to low income, high-risk women and families of Buncombe County focusing on three areas:
1. We help new doulas with certification and training in return for their participation as a volunteer doula for SFS
2. We mentor volunteer doulas with their first few clients
3. Our volunteer doulas provide birth and postpartum doula services to low income, high risk moms, providing support and tools to empower them as a new parent.
A birth doula is a trained and experienced professional who provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to the mother before, during and just after birth; a postpartum doula provides emotional and practical support during the postpartum period.
Start from Seed clients are referred to us from the Buncombe County Department of Health’s Nurse-Family Partnership Program, Western North Carolina Community Health Services, and Mission Hospital. The Program is intended and designed for growing clients’ inner strength and helping them gain empowerment to help them cope with the emotional, physical and mental challenges of childbirth, labor, and motherhood.
Our new moms and their infants have many needs. If you would like to help them get off to a good start, please visit our Start from Seed web site: Start from Seed, or call Program Director Chelsea Kouns at 804-814-9946.